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lost in Poland

"People do mistakes because their fear something."

Recently, I have seen it twice that couples broke for no reason simply to avoid pain because they feared becoming too much emotionally involved.

For whatever reason I fear she will do the same to me, since I know she is afraid of feeling to much for anybody. I feel so happy for the time being with her and so sad for the time which is ahead of us.
I am still convinced I want to seize my time with her, even though we have rather no common future by now. I simply cannot imagine to have a relationship on distance so we both know we will have to break in the near future. Still I really value her as a person and I hope to stay in contact with her even after I will have left this country behind.

I am listening to "Badmarsh + Shri - you are the air i breathe"

18.6.05 16:35


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Some viewpoints taken from an article in the economist about love.

"Once romantic love begins in earnest, it is one of the strongest drives on Earth. It seems to be more powerful than hunger."

"Men are more attracted to youth and beauty, while women are more attracted to money, education and position."

"So love, in all its glory, is just, it seems, a chemical state with genetic roots and environmental influences."

"Who and how a person has loved in the past are important determinants of his (or her) capacity to fall in love at any given moment in the future. This is because people learn from their sexual and social experiences." -> "If humans become conditioned by their experiences, this may be the reason why some people tend to date the same ?type? of partner over and over again."

"Any arousing activity can trigger feelings of romance as a side effect. Romantics, of course, have always known that love is a special sort of chemistry."
15.6.05 11:43


Today I had my last beer together with Ewa because she is going to the US. We were constantly talking like we never run out of topics.
We were talking about our future lifes, and about the past year we spent together and what made us changing so much.

Then I had to leav quickly I did'nt have much time to say "see you sometime". When I left we both looked back 3 times smiling until we headed into our direction. Besides all the people I got to know to this semester, from her I learned the most about life and all sorts of topics and she will be the one I will definately miss the most. She earned a place in my heart.

So Ewa just do me one favour, smile when you cry, keep in mind emotions are a sign of strength and not of weakness!

I will miss you so much!!!


15.6.05 23:13


Coming back to the question I raised earlier:
"I have to ask myself what I communicated, or even better I ask her what made me that interesting."
I got the following answer: "You simply did'nt look like a Polish guy!"

I will go to town now it is Gomcalo's last evening, say saying good bye another time, hopefully I won't become the last man standing.
13.6.05 20:56


Guiding US guys through Berlin.

We finally met Leo's friends from the US, so we sneaked into their hostel, looked for their room and sat on their beds, when they came back from having a shower, they couldn't believe it that it is us. They were italian, korean and hindu descent and it turned out that they were pretty nice guy's. So we went to Haeckesche Markt where we were supposed to meet the two french ladies at 1pm, they arrived at 3pm! We managed to stay patient but I would never wait that long for any German. However we enjoyed out time waiting for them with eating delicious wiener sausage for breakfast. The US guys liked the healthy european food. So when the french girls finally arrived with 2 hours delay we showed them round the area of Haeckesche Markt before we went on to Tacheles which is some special house with some art studios, I bought myself a nice shirt. Afterwards we stopped at a Korean resturant. I had my first sushi, and i have to say, it is shame i haven't tried it earlier. Also we had some 5 rounds of so-ju shots, the 4 of us bought the whole bottle for 10 ? instead of paying 2 ? for each shot, so we saved quite a lot of money. So after we have had enough delicious korean food and so-ju shots, we went on heading down the friedrichsstrasse towards checkpoint charlie. Walking along with the americans, talking english all the time and these modern high buildings everywhere I felt like being on a street in NY but not like being in Berlin. So I showed them round potsdamer platz and then we passed the recently openend jewish monument. The strange thing about this monument is that we started hiding behind the huge grey blocks, running through it like it is a funny labyrinth. So in fact it does'nt make people feeling sad and for me there is no obvious connection between the things that happened to the jewish people in this world and this monument.

In the evening we headed on for a club where we would see Laurent Garnier, prepartying a bit before in the guy's hostel.
The club was different from what I am used to since 60 % of the crowd there were guys or rather said gays. the rest of the crwod were some chicks who are not sure which gender they belong to or feel like being both and some unaware tourists like us and of course the french community who was supporting Laurent.
He played a great set, and the location was also really amazing, not just in watching gays touching each other on the dancefloor and then leaving together towards the "dark room" where you should better not go inside ;-) but the archictecture. So however we left the club at 6 because Leo was pretty tired.

Today we got up and i called my brother, he will join us for coffee at the train station before we are going back to Poznan by Euro
City. We will also meet lAetitia for the very last time to say "see you sometime" because she has a flight to London on tuesday.

Okay so lets go for having a shower and then for coffee

12.6.05 13:05


There is so many things going on, I am hardly ever home.
So on the same day when my Norwegians left the country,
4 Germans moved in and they are going to stay for 5 days.

Also during the time I am in Berlin Kuba (a polish guy) moved into my room for the weekend. Besides I am spending my time teaching Norwegian to poles who want to go there, or I am going for coffee, or I am having breakfast with the polish girl.

Right now I am in Berlin exploring the French keyboard on a laptop. I thought the German keyboard has a strange system but in fact the french one outweighs everything I have ever seen before. For example the comma is at the place where the comma should be, (merde -> ,erde) ;-)

So today I went to Berlin with Laetitia and Leo to show them round here but unfortunately Leo forgot his passport, so he had to go back and will join later. so right now we are in Berlin at the place of Laetitia's french friend, therefore I still don't feel like being in Germany. Everybody is driving rather according to the rules, and not like in Poland or even worse in Lithuania. Also I am collecting a little bit french music, sounds good.

I just found out that Laurent Garnier is going to play here tomorrow night, so you know I will go there, it is going to be great. Later I am going to meet Armin to stay at his place.
It just started raining, so we will see how worth it is to stay
in Berlin. If I don't like it here i will just take the next train back to Poznan, somebody is waiting for me ...




10.6.05 16:36


And once again I am crying because I have to say
"See you sometime and good luck for your life"
to the poeple I became close to, because I don't know if I will ever see them again. Actually, the flipside of gaining is loosing something will become true again. I will have to leave the ones I spent 5 month with.
These are the ones I had so much fun with and the ones ones I shared so many awesome moments with, the ones who made me feeling strange quite often and at the same time made me laughing even though they are to certain extend completely different to who I am.

The strange thing for me is that I am crying for leaving and enjoying for remembering this great time at once and we were crying together already.

So I just gonna say to all of whom I spent this semester with:
"Thanks for this great time, thanks for these great moments we shared, thanks for what we learned from each other, I would like to add so much more but by now I can't see anything because I am crying, so I gonna go to my bed crying until I will fall asleep and wake up when it is time to say see you sometime in our life...

dobranoc!

8.6.05 03:08


The quality and quantaty of your contacts and your relationships will have much more to do with your success than perhaps any other factor.
6.6.05 23:14


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